This one was posted on Facebook not too long ago, and I had some requests to re-post it here.
As a teacher and a mother, I spend a huge amount of time thinking about and dealing with homework. Forget about correcting homework for a moment. Let’s just focus on the role of the parent in this equation. It is common for me to spend 3-4 hours a night on homework between three kids. Asking about homework. Checking the homework folder/agenda/online assignment notebook. Answering questions. Checking for completion. Reminding them to read. Quizzing spelling words. Looking up online passwords for the math game/ google tools/ quizlet that they need to finish. Reading notes from teachers. Writing notes to teachers. Looking up the phone number for the ‘homework buddy’ who can tell them what questions are on the worksheet they left in their cubby/locker/desk. Yelling about the fact that the worksheet is still in the cubby/locker/desk. Texting the mom of the ‘homework buddy’ to thank her because it was really HER who looked up the questions for us. Asking the kids to explain what they have to do and being met by blank stares or tears. Crying because this has been going on for HOURS, and there is no end in sight.
As a teacher, I know that teachers subtly or overtly pass judgement when a kid’s homework doesn’t get done. “Doesn’t the mother CHECK?” It’s a socially acceptable form of mom shaming. And I’ve bought in to it. Somehow, I feel like my kid’s inability to complete homework is a reflection upon my value as a human being. If I could only be more consistent/provide a quieter space/ find the right incentive/ implement a harsher consequence/ be more encouraging/ be stricter/ lower my standards/ have higher expectations…
But seriously?!?!? They’re kids. They’re supposed to mess up. And then learn from it so they can do better next time. When I was a kid, if you didn’t do your homework, you missed recess to do it. You got bad grades. Maybe your parents punished you. But it was YOUR failure. YOUR lesson.
At some point, there was a shift. Homework help got added to the list of parental responsibilities. Most nights, it takes precedence over ‘practice violin’ and ‘walk the dog’ and ‘have a dance party in the kitchen,’ which happen to be things I also deem important. Some nights it takes precedence over ‘feed them’ or ‘cuddle up with a good book,’ which only exacerbates the feeling of parental failure.
I know a lot of school systems are closely examining the value of homework in today’s busy world. As a parent, I also need to examine the role that homework plays in our family dynamic. My success as a parent is not dependent upon perfectly scribed homework agendas and checklists in a folder. I must succeed in something so much more important. I must succeed in raising resilient, persistent, well-rounded children who can take responsibility for their own choices and learn from their failures. And I’m going to try to remember that tomorrow when one of them forgets the agenda again. Wish me luck.