I love winter. And I have the privilege of being able to love winter because I am married to an incredible man who is mostly content to do all of the snow-clearing whilst I bake banana bread and read in front of a fireplace and maybe run the vacuum.
Some teachers will adamantly declare that they don’t like snow days because they cut into the joy of summer. I vehemently disagree. I love a snow day. I love an unexpected day off, with no demands and no accusatory sunshine demanding outdoor enjoyment or relentless activity. A snow day is for pajamas and movies and good books and card games. It’s for cooking and sipping warm drinks and cuddling. Snow days are heaven for those of us who enjoy the blessing of doing a whole lot of nothing urgent.
Unfortunately, my husband almost never gets to experience the joy of a snow day. During the long winters, there are inevitably days when he rises with the sun to go to work and the children and I stay cuddled under down comforters until our bladders or our hunger pains awake us. And then we amble around, perhaps making an extravagant breakfast or watching movies or playing card games in our pajamas.
Today was one such day. Never mind that we’re already on vacation. Today was perfect for lounging. We had an eventful day yesterday, and I was looking forward to a mostly- relaxing indoor day, wherein the most strenuous items on my to-do list involved loading the dishwasher and dialing the phone. A little snow fit perfectly into my plans for the day.
My husband had already tried to run the snow blower before he left for work at 5:30 am. The slushy mix clogged the throwing mechanism; consequently, he cleared just enough to get his van out of the driveway, leaving the rest.
I probably could have left it for him, but that would’ve been pretty awful of me. I know this because I’ve done it before. I’ve enjoyed my snow day, completely oblivious to the outdoor conditions because I’m spoiled. And he has come home after a long day of physical labor, looked at me with apparent disappointment, and asked, “You were home all day and you didn’t even clear the walkway?”
Now, to be fair, that’s the equivalent of me taking the children away to visit family for the weekend and coming home to a pile of laundry and a sink full of dishes. We are both equally capable of appallingly inconsiderate behavior. But we mostly try to avoid it. So I added “shovel the driveway” to my mental to-do list.
Admittedly, I procrastinated shoveling for as long as possible. I didn’t want to get my snow gear on. I didn’t want to fight with the kids to come out and help. I didn’t want to be cold and sweaty. But the heavy, wet snow was already turning to slush that would eventually turn our driveway into an impassable sheet of ice. So I rallied the two children who were home with me, and we donned our snow boots and gloves and began to shovel.
What is it about the human psyche that allows us to mentally manipulate simple, satisfying tasks into wretched, undesirable chores?
I do this all the time. I spend my time and mental energy so inefficiently by agonizing about a task rather than simply doing it. I’ll think about an unpleasant phone call for a week before I dial the phone. I’ll make mental lists and written lists and share a litany of to-dos with my husband. In the time it takes me to guilt myself about incomplete chores, I could have completed several of the offending tasks. In the time it takes me to decide to clean the refrigerator, I could have cleaned it three times over.
And so it was with the shoveling. With the kids’ help, it took less than half an hour. We were outside, joking with each other and getting some sun and breathing fresh air and getting a little exercise. Since we were already so close to the car, we hopped in once our job was done. The kids came with me to run some errands and pick up some ice cream and toppings for our traditional New Year’s Eve Sundae Bar. We shopped at the dollar store and picked up some pet food and it was actually a really nice afternoon.
This lesson? This notion that sometimes you just need to DO THE THING, even when it’s not appealing? That lesson seems to be the theme of this holiday season for me. Let me give you a few examples.
– I usually agonize over gifts for my parents. I stress about it for weeks and ask a million people for advice and wait for inspiration to strike, and inevitably I end up buying a restaurant gift card or something equally uninspired. This year, I skipped all the agonizing, bought the gift cards, and felt relieved to cross it off my list so early in the shopping season.
– My bedroom is tiny. My furniture is huge. There aren’t a lot of choices about how to arrange it, so it hasn’t been moved in ages. But the dog hair collecting beneath the immovable bureau became the cause of increasing disgust, so I finally shoved it all around so that I could vacuum all the nooks and crannies. I got it so clean I wasn’t afraid to put out my new white comforter. Then I splurged on some throw pillows and actually managed to rearrange a few things, and my new, clean redecorated room inspired the next change…
– About a year ago, one of our sons installed a light switch in my bedroom. He had to rip open the wall and then he spackled the whole thing to reassemble it… but I didn’t remember the paint color I needed to cover the ugly white spackle. After a year of procrastinating, I finally went to get paint samples and choose a new color. I was ready to repaint the room. Unbelievably, I was able to find a color that was an exact match to what was already there. So I only had to paint one wall and touch up a few other spots. It looks fantastic. I wish I had done it a year ago.
– For the past three years I’ve skipped the whole Christmas Card thing. That, in itself, was liberating and helped me to evaluate the list of things that I have to do over the holidays. I’ve realized that about 90% of those things are actually optional. Who knew? But back to the card… this year, I had a picture of all 5 kids. It wasn’t great. It accurately captured the moods of 4 angsty teenagers who didn’t want to be there and one overly-excited 10 year old who was still looking forward to Santa’s arrival. It was taken a year ago. But all the kids are dressed nicely and looking at the camera and nobody is actively sneering or crying. I took advantage of cyber- Monday sales to turn this photo into a card and I mailed it to all our friends and family. The photo has prompted laughter and conversations and the sympathy of moms-of-teens all over the country. Perfection is overrated.
– And to return to ‘optional’ holiday activities? This year, we ordered Chinese food on Christmas Eve. Between church obligations and family activities, the traditional Christmas Eve dinner just didn’t work out. And you know what? It was amazing. No fuss, no mess, just a lot of laughter and gifts and drinks with our grown and almost-grown children. I think I might have found our new tradition.
Sometimes, letting go feels really good. And sometimes, doing the thing you didn’t want to do ALSO feels really good. I learned a lot of lessons this holiday season… about changing my perspective and changing my expectations and changing my approach.
Maybe those lessons will carry me in to 2020 with a lighter load and a more grateful heart. Maybe they’ll help me to find my motivation when it’s lost and accept God’s grace when I need it most. Happy New Year, everyone. Here’s wishing you gratitude and peace and motivation and grace, in whatever measures bring you peace.