Summer is in full swing over here. So much has happened in the past few weeks… I’m not sure I can accurately summarize. I went from going 120 miles an hour to having nothing to do. School ended. My side gig running Sunday School is over for the summer. Lee went to camp. Bea moved out.
That last one is breaking my heart a little, but I can’t write about it just yet. We still talk. She still comes by to do her laundry and have Jack look at her car and beg me to make chicken pot pie. We haven’t lost her; she’s just growing up, and my heart is a little tender about it.
And now, here I sit, at 6am on a Monday morning, sipping coffee with my dogs at my feet and my only remaining child still in bed. School ended just about two weeks ago. I’ve already gone on a beach vacation, read three books, binge watched two seasons of a show, and finished a puzzle. My book club met, and I’ve been out with friends a few times. It feels so good to be getting back to normal; especially summertime normal.
But after having everyone together in the house for so long, it’s especially strange to be so, well… alone.
Next week, Cal will be at day camp. Jack will be at work, and Lee is still at sleep away camp for two more weeks. It’ll be just me and the dogs.
I’m not sure why it’s surprising. I’m not sure why it didn’t cross my mind LAST summer that it might be our last summer with everyone in the house.
In a weird way, I was spoiled by Covid. I had my whole family home. And sure, we made each other a little crazy. Of course it was hard sometimes. But all that time together was a blessing. I got used to it. And then the world opened up, and these cooped up teens couldn’t wait to get back out into it.
And I find myself, yet again, in an unfamiliar phase of parenthood. My world doesn’t need to revolve around them in quite the same way. Mostly my job is to provide food, worry, and dispense advice that they will likely ignore.
My therapist wanted me to come up with a theme for this summer. She jokingly suggested ‘The summer of Amy.” Cheesy, for sure… but intriguing. What will it look like to wake up in the morning and ask myself What do you want to do? instead of What do they need from you? Such a small, natural step… but it feels like a pretty cosmic shift. I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do with it.
It’s a little strange to think that maybe you’ve forgotten what fun feels like; it’s odd to be in a phase where you forget how to fill free time with something that isn’t a chore. What DO I do for fun? What did I do for fun, well… before? When I was young and single? Before I became somebody’s mom and somebody’s wife and somebody’s teacher?
I’m hoping to spend this summer rediscovering those things. And finding new ones. Long motorcycle rides on winding roads. Diving off the bow of the boat into the cool water. Summer nights by the fire pit. Projects that make my home more beautiful. Long walks and thought provoking podcasts and good books on the beach. Early mornings, sipping coffee with my dogs at my feet, putting my thoughts into words on this old laptop. I think I’m off to a good start.