Rant

Facebook.  Ugh.  I hate it.  It’s a massive time suck and an anger generator, and I see more ads than friends.  I keep deleting the app from my phone.  I can access it on my computer, so I can post my blogs and occasionally check up on my people.  That will last for a while… sometimes months… and then I need to upload a photo or a video.  Most recently, I needed to post some free kid’s size life jackets on our local ‘Buy Nothing’ group.  And the hassle of transferring the photo is larger than the hassle of re-downoading the app and posting from my phone.  

So I reinstalled Facebook, gave away my life jackets, and proceeded to waste more time scrolling.  It’s been TWO days, and I’m angry again.  

But not in an ‘ignore it and remove the app’ sort of way.  Angry in a ‘this anger is telling me something’ sort of way. 

I saw yet another post about trans athletes and it spoke to my soul.  You can watch it here.  It made me think about all the times I’ve heard some version of, “I don’t have a problem with trans people, BUT…”

Every time, it seems to boil down to, “… X makes me uncomfortable.”  Truly.

-It makes me uncomfortable when I can’t determine someone’s gender by looking at them. 

-It makes me uncomfortable to wonder about someone’s genitals.

-It makes me uncomfortable to think about gendered violence. 

-It makes me uncomfortable to wonder whether someone ‘belongs’ in a gendered space. 

-It makes me uncomfortable when a human doesn’t conform to a visual ‘norm.’ 

Because, truly, the only time this is even a problem is when it’s VISUAL.  Someone I love very much insisted to me that there are only two genders.  And so I brought up my trans loved one.  “If there’s only two genders, then you’re saying that he will always be a girl to you.”  Well, no, she explained.  “I just go by what I SEE.”  And therein lies the crux of the problem. 

There’s so much that we can’t see.  We’re human, so we use our senses to make snap judgements about people.  That’s instinct.  It’s actual biology.  It’s how our brains work.  But the awesome thing about humans is that we have a prefrontal cortex that can analyze data after that ‘lizard brain’ has made a snap judgement.  

If you STOP thinking once you become uncomfortable with a visual difference, you’re missing the beauty of being human.  

Think about all the times that humans have pushed the boundaries of what is socially acceptable and moved toward individual freedom.  It used to make people uncomfortable to see women in pants, or short hair.  It was ‘unnatural.’  It was ‘disrespectful.’  Was it?  Of course not.  It was just unusual.  And it made people uncomfortable.  Does that mean it was wrong?  Was it appropriate to make laws controlling what women could wear to cover their bodies?  

Tattoos and piercings and crop tops… these things might make you uncomfortable, but in those cases, you can acknowledge that other people’s bodies aren’t your business.  

Gendered norms aren’t any different.  If you actually believe that there are two clear genders, I encourage you to do some research.  Intersex people exist.  There is no one characteristic that determines sex, and the beautiful diversity of God’s creation ensures that there is enough variety amongst us that we cannot accurately create boxes to hold us in. Women with high testosterone are women.  Women without a uterus are women.  Women that don’t menstruate are women.  Women without breasts are women.  Women with low estrogen are women.  Women who never gave birth are women.  Women with short hair are women.  Women who love women are women.  And trans women are women.  

Ugh.  And that whole rant is about trans women because we don’t seem to have a problem with trans MEN.  Why is that?  At its deepest level, it’s because we’ve been socialized to believe that the worst thing a man can be is feminine.  You hit like a girl.  Stop being a pussy.  You gonna cry like a little bitch? We can’t fathom a man wanting to be a woman. 

That’s another one I hear a lot.  “I just don’t GET it.”  

I don’t GET people who love gardening.  I don’t try to limit their access to potting soil.  I don’t try to legislate their planting.  I don’t call them nasty names or try to take away their rights or insinuate that they are less valuable humans.  I leave them the fuck alone.  

It’s not that hard.