You know that feeling when you think maybe your medicine isn’t really doing anything anymore?
That’s kind of what I thought about this tiny little estrogen patch I’ve been wearing for a year. Sure, I don’t get hot flashes anymore, but probably the mood swings and the brain fog and the fatigue weren’t really as bad as I thought. Right?
Well, the test for me was when that tiny little patch was suddenly out of stock.
I got an automated message from the pharmacy, letting me know that they’d call me when it became available. I waited patiently for about a week. No news. I checked the app and resubmitted my refill request. Same message. Another week went by, and I started to feel a difference.
I was exhausted and I had no motivation. I napped in the afternoons and went to bed at 8pm. I needed to force myself to go for a walk, to take a shower, to call a friend. And for my whole life, those things have always helped me to feel better. But now, they did not. I’d go for a walk, and instead of feeling energized or accomplished, I just felt even more tired. I stood in the shower, and the effort of staying upright became unmanageable. I sat on the floor and washed my hair while the shower sprayed on my legs.
Anxiety is familiar to me. Very familiar. But this exhaustion felt like a gateway into depression; an unfamiliar glimpse of a totally different version of myself. It was awful.
It lasted four days. A desperate call to the pharmacy. A new prescription. A prayer that the estrogen would help.
The first day back on the patch, there wasn’t much difference. The second day was better. And on the third day, I felt incredible. My motivation was back. My energy was back. I did the laundry and had lunch with a friend and went shopping and the thought of a nap didn’t even cross my mind.
I feel like myself again. I’m grateful for the miracle of modern medicine. And I’m in awe of the generations before me who have gone through these changes with no medical intervention, no support, and no sympathy. Women are freaking incredible.
And so is this little patch.